we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
