like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Drake has all the answers
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
