I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
