well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
