I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm really busy with my period
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