You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize