I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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