The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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