think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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