I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
So vagazzling was a success
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