guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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