Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
