omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I will be naked everywhere
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
