Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
this hospital has no fireball
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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