he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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