and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
