Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
