Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Banned from zoo.
Again?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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