bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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