I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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