he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
