So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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