Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
