Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
