You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
