when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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