she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
