I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
