I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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