All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
