he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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