I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
