I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
jump out the window naked night went bad
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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