My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
