i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
