I wanna bring you to show and tell
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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