You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
