we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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