i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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