omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
