please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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