Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
