Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
