note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
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