im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
