Please don't use social media to get back at me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
