If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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