oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
