Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
