I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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