Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize