I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
