you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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