i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
