We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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