Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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