He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
