I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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