Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
