saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
