Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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