Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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